About 3000 years ago a poem based on Greek mythology tells the story of Pandora curiously opening a container and releasing the curses (sickness, death and other evils) on mankind. There are many times that everyone has felt they don’t want to find out more because it will just be “opening Pandora’s box” and releasing evils on the world.
As individuals and as a culture it is not uncommon to not ask questions and to ignore problems when we sense that the answers to those questions will be painful and require substantial effort to make things better. This is definitely the way many approach the issue of domestic violence. Just leave the lid on the box.
Domestic violence is a tremendous problem. Healthychildren.org reports that “1 in 4 children are exposed to caregiver intimate partner violence within their lifetime”. That’s a lot of children and it is of great concern because this places them at risk of profound short- and long-term impacts on their physical and mental health and well-being.
Just seeing or hearing this violence increases a child’s risk of anxiety, depression and withdrawal. Many may also have attention problems, aggression and rule-breaking behavior. Unfortunately about 30% of children exposed to intimate partner violence will grow up to perpetuate abusive behaviors toward others. When there is violence between partners, there is often child abuse as well. Such abuse could range from neglect to verbal abuse to sexual or physical abuse. One in four children is a lot of children.
Parents or caregivers involved in a violent relationship may think that the fighting does not affect their children. Even children who do not see the violence are affected by the conflict and their problems are not always recognized by their caregivers. This may result in not getting the help that is needed. Parents and families may be reluctant to share concerns about violence or other forms of abuse in the home, either out of fear or embarrassment.
Know the signs of possible domestic violence including physical violence, sexual violence, stalking, and psychological aggression. It also includes intimidation and control. This control may also be financial.
If domestic violence happens once, it usually happens again and doesn’t stop. It is important to have a crisis plan in place both for the caregiver and the children. A crisis plan includes a safe place to stay, friends or relatives that can help with childcare, transportation, and financial support.
Sometimes taking the lid of Pandora’s box by just talking to someone helps. Giving information about available help in a nonjudgmental manner can help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is 1-800- 799-SAFE (7233) can help with developing the plan and can give helpful local programs. Finding programs that help with supporting their children can be obtained from the National Parenting Helpline (1-855-427-2736) which is open 10 AM to 7 PM Pacific Standard Time. This number gives information for Texas.
Your child’s doctor is trained to help and will have local resources. Take the lid off.
By Sally Robinson
Sally Robinson, MD Clinical Professor
Keeping Kids Healthy
October 2023