For many of us, when we think of sharing, it is children learning how to share a favorite toy. This image is usually associated with pulling, grabbing, and tears. Sharing is so much more than who gets to play with the favorite toy. It is a skill that encourages back-and-forth communication. It is a skill that is more than telling others what we want. It is a connection of minds, sharing and reading emotions, seeing situations from someone else’s perspective and using that knowledge to solve problems. These communication skills are learned behaviors essential for good relationships, good business models, and even good government.
Sharing, in its simplest form, is the act of dividing and distributing something or using or experiencing something jointly with others. This can be a toy or an abstract idea or an emotion. Sharing is a fundamental part of human interaction, encouraging cooperation, strengthening social ties, and promoting well-being. Playing together with a child is a great way to help build communication skills. Back-and-forth communication, both words and body language, is the essence of shared play.
Sharing can involve giving something to someone else, an object, a feeling or an idea. It can also mean receiving something from others, like a gift, a piece of advice or a helping hand. Sharing emotions and experiences can create deeper connections between people.
Around 3 years of age, children have learned a lot about themselves and about interactions with people around them. They can actually play with other children not just playing side by side. They are becoming aware of the feelings of others and start learning how to cooperate more in their play. Turn-taking is a stepping stone to sharing. Start with simple games of rolling a ball back and forth. Verbalize the turn taking, “Now it’s your turn”. Praise the child when they share or take turns. Be specific in your praise, “How kind of you to share your toy”. Positive reinforcement encourages repeat behavior.
They need to be reminded to use their words instead of acting out. Remind them that when two children are sharing a toy each gets an equal turn. Sometimes a timer will help. Sometimes, a drawing out of a hat might help decide who gets the toy first. Learning to use appropriate words to express their frustration might help them cope peacefully.
Sometimes this process of sharing might become frustrating or physical. If this happens restrain them from hurting others and if it is they can’t calm down quickly move them away. It should be crystal clear that hitting or physically attacking another child is unacceptable. Try to help the child to understand the other child’s point of view. Work together to find a more peaceful way to resolve the conflict.
Having the child say “I’m sorry” may not help them to correct their behavior. Help them to understand why they should be apologizing and by age four most will be able to understand why they need to apologize.
by Sally Robinson, MD, Clinical Professor
Keeping Kids Healthy
Published July 2025